The Healing Power of Love and Fostering Dogs

I can honestly say that I have loved a dog every day of my entire 43 years on this planet. There were exceptions though, of course, as to when I could have one living with me. For instance, leaving to college was the first time I didn’t have my dog under the same roof. Annie, my poodle, didn’t understand this concept of being left behind. My mom told me that she would sit on top of the couch and stare outside the living room window for hours on end waiting for me. I had assumed that she would be fine, because she was still in the home that she’d always known. But as many of us understand, or will hopefully learn, dogs don’t just forget you. They are faithful and will believe in their owners probably more than we deserve. It’s simply the beautiful way that they are, and yet so many people don’t see it. They take that fortitude for granted, at times even letting go of the responsibility of having a pet. Now, I understand that this doesn’t always happen willingly, but it still happens more than it should…and it just seems so unfair.

I have always adored dogs. Their consistent loyalty and blatant desire to simply be close to their people has pulled at my heart for as long as I can remember. Sadly though, approximately 3.3 million dogs a year end up in an animal shelter and more than half a million of them will be euthanized (https://www.aspca.org). I can’t even imagine how that many dogs can be left behind. However, I try not to judge. There are several reasons why someone may need to give up a dog, and I’m so grateful they at least took the responsible route and tried to hand them off to someone who could help. But don’t despair…this doesn’t have to be the end for these abandoned former family members. I can promise you that there are people out there fighting for them. The shelter employees and their volunteers are continually trying to make more room in the hope that no one has to be turned away. It’s important to also explain that this includes working with rescue groups that help take in dogs, with many even transporting them out of state to places where they have a better chance of being rehomed. In fact, about 1.6 million dogs are adopted every year. Now that’s something to rejoice! And in several cases, this is accomplished with the help of fosters who also believe in the sweetest of new beginnings.

My husband and I fostered for the first time in June 2018. It had been almost a year since we had lost our oldest dog, Ditka. (Typing his name even now still brings tears to my eyes.) Even though I tried to prepare myself, saying goodbye to him was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to do. I spent the next few months trying to be the best dog mom I could to our other two fur babies, but I knew something was missing. I had a hole in my heart that needed to be filled. It was as simple as that, but I didn’t know yet how to patch it up.

And then I saw Hannah on social media.

The rescue group that posted her information was pleading for serious fosters. She was on a short list of dogs that were still waiting for someone to speak up for them, so that they could be transported over to Colorado. I had seen her a couple of days before, but assumed someone would step up. No one had though. I kept looking at her picture and suddenly felt my heartbeat speeding up. Something bigger was pulling at me…speaking to me…and it was so strong that after about a minute, my heart was full on pounding in my chest and I was in a panic. I knew we needed to help her. It was my turn to finally start letting go of my grief and move on. I knew that another dog needed us.

When we picked Hannah up from the transport van two days later, one of the things that will always stand out to me in my memories was how she so easily went with us. It was amazing to me that she would still open herself up to people after someone at some point had already let her down. I will never know what her life was like before she ended up in the shelter, other than that she was found lost in the woods. But I did know that she was gentle, happy, playful and ever so trusting. It made my heart ache to see how she would lean her whole body into somebody when they’d pet her because she yearned for affection. She was ready for her second chance and wasn’t holding back. How many of us can say that we’ve been able to do that after experiencing our own losses or disappointments?

I’ve often been told by others that as much as they would want to foster, they could never do it because it would be too hard. How can you bring a dog into your home and not get attached? To be honest, I used to feel the exact same way. So, I’m here to tell you the truth. In most cases, you will get attached. It truly can be incredibly hard not to start seeing that dog as your own. In fact, we were foster failures with Hannah. After three weeks of having her in our home, we knew we couldn’t let her go and officially adopted her. It was an easy choice, not only because we already loved her deeply, but it also meant that we didn’t have to experience how it would feel to watch her walk away with another family. We had escaped that part of fostering…but, we could only do it once.

When COVID-19 made its appearance this year, it was time for us to step up again. Since March, I can gratefully say that we’ve fostered four dogs – Snow White, Dash, Simba and Sheba. Those are their former names of course, but it’s hard for me not to still think of them by the names I first knew them by. The names I called to them as they played, the names I whispered to them as they slept, the names they had when they were sort of “mine”, even if it was only a tiny moment of their long, beautiful lives. Their personalities were all very different, but one thing remained consistent among each of them. They all had a huge capacity for loving and being loved. Some of them could show it right away and had no qualms about letting us close, while others needed a little more patience…a little more understanding…a little more everything to remind them that they would never be hurt again. And it was our job to give them that, because they deserved nothing less.

Every time we’ve brought a shelter dog into our home this year, I’ve known how it’s going to end. I know we are only a bridge to something greater that’s waiting for them and I try to stay strong. I remind myself that they are depending on me to mirror for them what happiness looks like. They need me to be more than they’ve had up until now or to remind them of what they lost. So, if there is one thing that I can say that may hopefully open up someone’s heart to fostering, it’s that this is the easy part. Yes, your schedule may change for a bit, and if you have other dogs there are introductions and other dynamics to adjust to…but it never feels like work. I have never felt like I was being put out. In fact, it has been a real honor to watch each of them grow in their newfound love of life and getting to just be a happy dog again – or for the first time.

Our foster dogs’ last day with us is always the hardest. For me though, that is actually the most important time for me to be their rock. I don’t want to confuse them when they meet their potential new families. I want them to feel the absolute joy in the air and to take it all in. They have come this far for a reason. And so, I hold everything in as we say our cheerful goodbyes…because it really is an extraordinarily wonderful day. The tears will need to wait until later.

And they do come… so many more than I can count. If I’m going to be truly transparent, I have to say that I’ve even cried myself to sleep. So in truth, the goodbyes haven’t gotten easier for me. But, here is the very most important part of all. WE GOT THEM OUT. They aren’t in a shelter anymore. They have a HOME. They have a FAMILY. They finally have THE DREAM. And there is always room in my heart to remember all of the “first times” – another amazing reason why we keep stepping up.

For instance…

There is the first time you will give them a bath and wash off their former life.

There is the first time they will realize that those dog beds and toys really are for them.

There will be a first time when they finally relax and allow themselves to soak in the fact that they aren’t in a shelter anymore.

Or when they’ll come to you for reassurance.

And then there’s the first time they will run around the yard with happy abandon.

But probably one of the sweetest things of all, will be the first time you realize the family dogs are going to step in and be “foster friends”.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that dogs have been a part of the greatest and most difficult days of my life. I didn’t know what their real impact would be though, until we started fostering. I wish I could tell you how much it’s filled my spirit. It’s given me a new purpose that I didn’t know was even missing. And yes, it’s hard to let them go. It’s so very, very hard. Even in a house filled with our own dogs, their presence is definitely missed after adoption day. I see them on the stairs waiting for me with smiling eyes…I hear them running on our wood floors…I feel them sleeping in my arms. Because of course I can’t help but love them during our time together. It’s love that brought them to me in the first place.

But it’s also love that has taught me how to let them go.

At a time when I was particularly struggling with the thought of saying goodbye, another foster told me something beautiful. She said, “He came to you a scared shelter dog, but will be leaving as a very loved foster dog.”

And that’s the whole point you see…to help prepare these dogs for their forever home and to then make room for another one. Because there are always more dogs waiting, hoping, dreaming that their family is out there. I’ve seen that look in their eyes at adoption meetings. I’ve watched them sit up taller, bark softer, try and be what you’re looking for…these dogs know they are possibly being “chosen”. They are already wiser than they should have to be, but they don’t have to do it alone.

We can help them – and what a precious gift to be a small part of that journey.

So, please absorb this when I say that the shelters and rescue groups really need the support. They are fighting every day to help get dogs out and on the path to a real future, with a real family and a real life. Therefore, if by any chance you think you can help in that endeavor, please don’t be afraid to step up because you think it will be too hard. That isn’t a reason not to do it. Think about it this way, in the words of Tom Hanks from the movie “A League of Their Own”:

It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.

In closing, to my sweet foster pups this year…

Thank you so much for all the laughs, kisses, cuddles and genuine love that you gave us. You have made me a better person and a better dog mom. You have taught me more about what it means to be selfless and I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever really been able to do that before in my life. I’ve seen your pictures. I’ve gotten the updates from your families. I know you’re thriving and that makes my heart so very, very happy. Because you see, I will always love you.

I will love you forever.

You are so very special. You always were…please don’t ever, ever forget that.

*For those of you in Colorado that are interested in fostering, or if anyone would like to donate and help support the constant work going on behind the scenes, please consider reaching out to the following organizations: